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29 December 2006
OK, maybe not "smile" but at least not cry about.
The Giants have finally signed a free agent worthy of a front page headline. In case you haven't heard, we're talking about Barry Zito here, not Ryan "vaginaface" Klesko.
Sure, he's not gonna be the ace that he was in 2002. He's probably not going to win 20 games with this offense and bullpen. He's not going to strike out 200 again. His peripheral numbers are less than stellar.
But he's still GOOD. He's durable, having never missed a major league start. He's consistent. And, to top it all off, he's actually got a personality! From his wikipedia entry, he collects stuffed animals, enjoys barking with seals and is heavily into Zen & Yoga. He also plays guitar and provided guest voice acting in the Adult Swim show Venture Bros.
That being said, he now joins Omar Vizquel as the only Giants with actual personalities. He now makes a staff including Matt Cain, Noah Lowry, Matt Morris and Jonabrad Hennesanchez-Corriea-Lincecum-Ortiz look decent. Sure, the offense still features a 43 year old at cleanup, a 4th outfielder at leadoff and three double play machines at the bottom of the order. The bullpen still features Armando Benitez, seeing as our former KGB agent was unable to fulfill his task (we still want that 400 Eruo back!). All this led by a man who was so loved in his former town that the celebration parade is still going on over his desertion.
Still, it's nice for the marquee free agent to FINALLY land in black and orange. Let's just enjoy the high until March....
17 December 2006
Nah, you bring back the same old team that had a losing record last year.
Moises Alou is leaving? Dave Roberts will do just fine. Mike Matheny is retiring? Benji Molina is slower and fatter, but he'll do. Still have no legitimate first baseman? Rich Aurilia learned to play first, didn't he? Jason Schmidt is dead to us? That Sanchez kid sure looked ready, huh?
OK OK, let's be fair. This isn't exactly the best offseason in which to free up millions of dollars. Shitty players (ahem, Gary Matthews/Juan Pierre/Gil Meche) are getting insane contracts. Decent players are getting obscene contracts and there isn't a bargain to be found. Combine that with a farm system that offers nothing of trade value and the rebuilding options are not looking to swell.
You didn't really want both Barry Bonds AND Manny Ramirez in the SAME outfield, did you?
MAYBE Kevin Frandsen deserved a chance to start, but we all know Ray-Ray will get hurt before June. Sure, Pedro Feliz's sub .300 OBP isn't worth even league minimum, but he's a great defender and, well.... isn't worth league minimum. Sure, it's nice seeing Richie back in the Black & Orange, but even with those numbers he put up in Cincinnati (aka the NEW Coors Field), he's a sub-par option at first.
Seriously, if the Phillies were willing to give us Pat Burrell AND take Armando off our hands, we should have jumped at that and thrown in a crate of Moises' old Skoal. If Seattle was willing to give up Richie Sexson and/or Adrien Beltre for next to nothing, providing we eat their contracts, we should have jumped at that too. $40 million or so for those two sounds like a bargain when Soriano is getting $136 million.
But, no, we're left with a bunch of players we've already seen before. Oh, that and a catcher who can eclipse the sun.
3 December 2006
It's December and he hasn't gone a GODDAMN THING to improve his ballclub. In a panic, he called the first name on his cell phone "Aurilia, Rich" and made a contract offer.
Then seeing the obscene contracts that outfielders like Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Lee, Gary Matthews Jr and Juan Pierre were getting, he curled into a ball and blacked out. When he came to, he had signed a 35 year old "speedster" and part time outfielder to a three year deal.
Somewhere, Marquis Grissom is laughing.
Then he looked at his roster from last year, said to himself, "hey, we weren't THAT bad," and resigned Pedro Feliz & Ray Durham. Realizing that his prized defensive catcher was retiring and Eliezer Alfonzo was a fluke, he sought out the WORST defensive catcher he could find and bribed him with enough cheeseburgers and ChaCha bowls to make him sign a deal.
Now he confidently heads into the Winter Meetings with the same second baseman, shortstop and third baseman he had a year ago, an aging part time outfielder to go along with his overrated, below average right fielder, a gaping hole in the middle of his lineup and a pitching staff that has only one guy with more than three years of experience.
Giant fans can rest assured, though, that even though the team will be awful, they won't have to see Barry Bonds break the all time HR mark in a Giants uniform. He'll most likely do that wearing Yellow & Green or Red & White.
27 October 2006
Enter, Bruce Bochy, your new Giants manager.
Ummmmm.... did anyone send Ron Wotus some flowers yet? What was his flaw? Was he too nice a guy? Too respected by players, fans and the community? Was it the fact that he was too successful as a manager in the minor leagues? Was his moustache just not up to Felipe Alou's standards?
What about Bud Black? Was it because he was sitting across the field in that 2002 series? Was it because he's too good at dealing with pitchers? Was it because his last name is Black and, well, he's not?
What about Manny Acta? Does he just have too few letters in his last name? Are we simply dealing with too high an A:rest of alphabet ratio?
Joe Girardi? Looks too good on TV to manage again.
Dave Righetti? Too familiar.
Lou Drocher? Too dead (although just a tad less-dead than Felipe)
So now we're stuck with Bruce Bochy and the task of finding a new nickname for our manager. This is also a guy who has such a resume that the Giants front page can only tout him as being the guy who led the Padres to the playoffs 4 times in the last 12 seasons.
Sorry, is asking for better than 33% too much to ask? I mean, Felipe hit it at 33%. Dusty Baker also did exactly 33%. Are we asking too much?
So, taking into account the quality of personnel the Giants are acquiring, let's fill out the other positions with potential free agents.
1B: Doug Mientkiewicz. In what's an incredibly thin position this winter, Doug isn't that far off the top tier candidates, such as Sean Casey, Nomar Garciaparra and Craig Wilson.
2B: Adam Kennedy. Why spend big bucks on Alfonso Soriano, Ronnie Belliard or even Mark DeRosa when Adam Kennedy can be had. I mean, c'mon, he's a winner!
3B: Jeff Cirillo. In a position populated by over the hill ex-Giants (Rich Aurilia, Edgardo Alfonzo, David Bell), the temptation was avoided to pick one of them. Aramis Ramirez won't be had. We know that. Even asking for Aubrey Huff or Russell Branyan would be too much.
C: Doug Mirabelli. So we don't know for sure what's up with Mike Matheny, but you better believe that Sabean is looking for a capable replacement, and betting on Eliezer Alfonzo to repeat the magic is a long shot. This time the former Giant had to be picked over guys like Mike Piazza, Rod Barajas & Javy Lopez.
LF: Terrence Long. Yeah, I was surprised to even see his list on the potential FA list. I thought he died a long time ago, too. He's a perfect fit over such guys as Carlos Lee, Frank Cattalanotto, Shannon Stewart, Preston Wilson or even Jay Payton.
RF: Matt Stairs. A guy who is so fat he can hardly run any more. That's just what the Giants are used to: a guy who can't cover ANY outfield ground. Matt's a perfect pick over Gary Sheffield, Jermaine Dye or Trot Nixon.
So there you have it. All the position player holes filled and it only cost us $70 million.
26 October 2006
The proof is airing right now.
World Series ratings are down in the same year that both Major League and Minor League baseball set attendance records. To find out why, you just need to flip over to a postseason game. I made that mistake no thirty minutes ago, hoping to see some baseball. However, the only things I saw was a moronic talking baseball (back by "popular" demand), a mustached idiot that makes Felipe Alou look like a genius, a collagen injected bimbo and a whorish music video by some Britney Spears wannabe with flashing images of our cherished sport being soiled upon in the background. All that smushed in between countless ads for Prison Break, 'Til Death, The Rich List, Chevy, Jack 'n the Box and every kind of American beer you can think of. I spent a half hour waiting for baseball and now I feel cheaper than a two dollar hooker that just took it in the pooper from Dusty Baker.
They just don't make water hot enough to wash away the shame.
When your program is too painful to watch for real baseball fans and to condescending for casual fans, you're in trouble.
So there's your proof. Fox hates baseball. They're trying everything they can to ruin it. Soon we will be under a Bushist totalitarian regime and we'll all look back to the demise of baseball as the first domino to fall.
Oh, and Tim McCarver hasn't even said a word yet...
10 October 2006
Could the postseason get any less interesting?
It's almost as bad as the White Sox, Angels, Astros and Cardinals.
So we're stuck having to listen to Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Thom (could someone tell me how, legally, he gets away with spelling his name with that extra "h") Brennamen, Steve Lyons and, giving us a dismal glimpse into a possible future, Lou Pinella.
Brian Sabean's not seriously considering hiring this guy, is he? Sure, it would be mildly entertaining, but at what cost? What will Sweet Lou do to Noah Lowry and Matt Cain's fragile young egos? What will his daily tirades to do poor, vulnerable Armando Benitez? Will Omar Vizquel even be allowed to smile?
Anyways, I digress. This postseason has us counting the days until pitchers and catchers report. It has us already calculating exactly how much money the Giants have to spend ($52 million by my last count) and who they can get with that kind of scratch. It has us trying to fathom what Lou Pinella would look like in a Giants' uni, tossing his hat in a fit of rage.
It has us doing anything besides watching those shitty Fox announcers actually make a Tigers-A's playoff series LESS interesting and more painful.
Oh, and it doesn't help that Tommy Fatass Lasorda is doing the "hey, your team sucks, but Fox has sponsors to keep happy," ads.
5 October 2006
We're really liking the fact that they're both down 0-2.
However, this is a page devoted to the Giants, so we're here to give out BBAO's season ending awards.
Most Valuable Player: Barry Bonds What?!? We picked a guy who couldn't hit over .250 for most of the year? We picked someone who has less outfield range than a wheelchair-less Stephen Hawking? Has BBAO lost it?!?
No. We're simply looking at the stats. Barry Bonds was the best hitter for the Giants, bar none. Bonds' OPS was .999, Durham was second at .898 (Moises Alou was t .923, but only played in 98 games to Bonds' 130). Bonds created 95.9 runs with Durham again in second at 91.2. Bonds destroyed the rest of the team with 9.32 runs created per 27 outs. Alou & Durham tied at second with 6.57, almost three full runs fewer than Barry. In a team full of free swingers, Bonds was the only one who had any patience, averaging 3.99 pitches per plate appearance. Sweeney was second at 3.87 while our favorite free swingers gave the team an average of 3.59. Sure, Durham carried the team for a bit and Omar was the real leader, but without Barry, this team would have been totally sunk, again. Barry caught a lot of flak this year, from hometown fans and the nation as a whole. However, Giants fans still need to recognize that he's the best hitter on the team, and that's by a LARGE margin.
Cy Young: Jason Schmidt. He wasn't the Schmidt of old. No doubt about that. The Schmidt that we saw in 2003-2004 is gone. Thankfully, this Schmidt learned to pitch with different tools. He was once again effective, leading the team in ERA at 3.59. Unfortunately, this decent season will price him out of the Giants hands over the offseason, but that's ok. Schmidt's earned his payday and let some other team overpay for him. Call it the Scott Eyre syndrome.
Rookie of the Year: Matt Cain Sure, Cain was downright terrible at times. He looked like the 21 year old that he is. However, we caught glimpses. Glimpses of glory. There were times when he ran out there and just abused hitters like Dodger fans abuse their wives. We got to see what may be in store for the young right hander. Even better, we got to see what may be in store for the Giants. Hopefully they won't be resigning Dusty Baker to fuck up his arm.
Least Valuable Player: Lance Niekro What do you do when the free agent and trade markets are saturated with first basemen and you have a glaring hole at that position? You give it to an unproven, 27 year old rookie, a rookie with an undisciplined approach to hitting, adding another free swinger to a lineup FILLED with free swingers. Lance was so impressive that by midseason a guy who has never been good enough to be a starter was starting at first and Lance was in the minors. Way to capitalize on your big opportunity, Lance.
Cy Yuk: Armando Benitez Got momentum? He'll kill it. Got team chemistry? He'll destroy it. Got milk? Nope, he eats everything in sight. Got Peter Magowan's money, you overpaid gorilla?
Cream of Wheat of the Year: Felipe Alou On Monday the Giants finally announced that Felipe Alou would not be returning as manager. Here at BBAO, we're disappointed that there will be no more cream of wheat moments to enrich the news updates, no sleeping manager to enrich our broadcasts and no broken english to enrich our radio pregame show. What are we talking about? We all know that whoever the Giants hire will be even more incompetent. This is the Giants, after all.
Jackass of the Year: Ned Colletti Left the Giants in shambles. Left without telling Sabean that Benitez isn't a good closer, Niekro isn't a good first baseman and having three outfielders over the age of 40 is a bad idea. Then he signs with the Dodgers, builds a winning team that dominates the Giants in the regular season and laughs his way all the way to the NLDS. Not only that, he maintained a buttload of Dodger rookies that will become Giant-killers for decades to come. A whole new breed of Mike Piazzas that go by names such as Ethier, Martin, Billingsly, Broxton and Kemp. Sabean would have traded all of them to Minnesota for Rondell White. What a jackass.
30 September 2006
With nothing left to play for except for the chance to play spoiler, the Giants couldn't even do that. The Giants played like they didn't care. They didn't mind seeing the Dodgers celebrate on their field. They didn't care about the legions of blue fans invading their turf. They didn't care about making life any easier for the few Giant fans that actually showed up and had to deal with the droves of low lives that packed the seats with their horrific blue shirts and jerseys. It's nauseating.
Sure, the Dodgers only won because of a horrendous call by the first base umpire. They also were helped out by Washington over the week. If only Philadelphia had played a tad bit better, not traded Bobby Abreu. If only...
But that's not the case. Philadelphia came up just short. Their biggest mistake, aside from trading Abreu, was thinking they could rely on the Giants for help. They couldn't, and now those hated Dodgers are celebrating on OUR field. It's disgraceful.
Even worse is the horde of brown skinned, classless Dodger fans that invaded OUR stadium only to make life miserable for us. Their grade school educations and ignorant taunts make it an even more bitter pill to swallow. They always said that ignorance is bliss. Well, right now the ignorant are mighty blissful. It's gut wrenching.
The lackluster play from the likes of Ray Durham, Pedro Feliz, Steve Finley, Eliezer Alfonzo and Moises Alou makes fans hope that they not return next year. Let them walk. It's time for some major changes. If these players can't be motivated to at least not look like amateurs, there's nothing left for them in San Francisco. It's humiliating.
So now Giant fans are left with no other options than to root for the likes of New York and St. Louis, two teams that Giant fans have no business rooting for. May Albert Pujols, David Wright, Chris Carpenter, Carlos Beltran and the rest vanquish those hated Padres and Dodgers. Let's hope this celebration on our field is the last one the Dodgers have for a long time.
Anything else would be even more sickening.
29 September 2006
Hello.
Please allow me to introduce myself.
I've been around for a long, long year.
I was round when Mike Piazza found his stroke.
Saw Steve Finley crush your hopes.
Pleased to meet you. Hope you've guessed my name.
Send my apologies to Philadelphia.
Send my apologies to San Diego, too.
Oh yeah. How's Joe Nathan doing? And AJ?
Ah, what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.
Pleased to meet you. Hope you've guessed my name.
26 September 2006
Meh...
The Giants won with a walkoff homer today.
Meh...
So what? We knew they weren't going to the playoffs when the wheels came off in St. Louis. We knew they had no chance. So why even bother watching any more?
Well, Barry Bonds has maybe 10 innings left in him in a Giants uniform. Love him or hate him, you have to appreciate what he's done for the Giants the last decade plus. We may never see him wearing the orange and black again.
The rookies. Linden seems to finally be finding himself. Alfonzo is still amazing us all. Lewis can be exciting to watch. Cain, Munter, Taschner, Sadler, Misch, Wilson and Sanchez are all showcasing the arms of the future. Some will be trade bait in the offseason for sure, but some may also be playing prominent roles in 2007. Remember an anonymous September callup in 2003 that pitched a few scoreless innings? His name was Noah Lowry.
Kruk, Kuip, Flem & Miller. They keep the game entertaining. We are truly spoiled.
Ball Dudes. The Chris Farley's of Giants baseball.
Felipe Alou. Because when we have a new manager and want to bitch about him, we have to remember ol' Cream of Wheat.
Steve Finley. Because he sucks and we still hate him for 2004. Fuck him.
21 September 2006
The wheels have completely come off for the Giants. There is really nothing more to say.
So, today I will share an actual conversation I had with a Dodger fan at work today. This is the prototypical Dodger fan conversation. I am also going to add commentary, to be indicated by italics.
Dodger fan: Can't believe we lost two in a row to the PIRATES!
Me: Gotta love it!
Of course, the Giants lost 6 out of 7 against Pittsburgh, so we know the feeling. Still, seeing the Dodgers lose is the next best thing to seeing the Giants win.
Dodger fan: Oh, don't tell me you're a STEROIDS fan!
Me: Nah, but I am a Giants fan.
Dodger fan: So you ARE a steroids fan!!
Damn, he saw right through me. How did he know I was on the BALCO mailing list?
Me: Yeah, right, like there has NEVER been a Dodger who has taken 'roids. Ahem... Gagne, Brown, Beltre-
Dodger fan: Oh yeah, well at least the Dodgers will be playing in October while Barry Bonds is sitting at home.
At this point the Dodger fan left the room with a smug look. Notice how quickly he changed the argument as soon as I made a good point. However, as he left so quickly, I hadn't the chance to point out the other flaws in his argument. First, most Giants fans have been fans since BEFORE Barry Bonds and will continue to be fans AFTER Barry Bonds. Just because one of the most notable steroid users happened to play for our team doesn't make us steroid fans. Sure, most of us love Barry. Who wouldn't love a guy who has done so much for their team? The memories and emotions cannot be duplicated.
Also, like I pointed out, Barry was not the only person on steroids in the juiced-ball era. There were more relief pitchers on 'roids than hitters. The ballparks were built small and played small. The balls were wound tighter. Blah blah blah, same tired argument, blah blah. The most ignorant part, however, is that fans of other teams assume that they never rooted for a tainted player. Like the A's would have won the '89 series without a juiced up McGuire & Canseco. Like the '88 Dodgers would have won without Kirk Gibson's knees being helped by steroids. Like EVERY SINGLE PLAYER besides Barry Bonds was squeaky clean.
"We would never cheer a roided up freak like Bonds," they say as Eric Gagne gains 30lbs and 5mph on his fastball. "It's those SF fans that are idiots," as Roger Clemens is still throwing 97mph at age 41.
It's all tired, the whole thing. Just give it up. That whole era of baseball was defined by power hitting and power pitching. Relievers throwing 100 innings, sluggers hitting 50+ homers were commonplace. It doesn't mean the era is tainted any more than when minorities couldn't play or when the pitching mound was six inches higher. Baseball has never been the "pure" sport that people make it out to be. If players weren't using steroids they were using amphetamines. If pitchers weren't scuffing balls, they were protesting sharing a locker room with a black man. From Barry Bonds cussing at fans to Ty Cobb stabbing them, it's always been imperfect. Just like America.
That's why we love it, and that's why we always will.
Sorry for the rant.
**On another note, I stumbled upon this site yesterday. It is absolutely brilliant. I encourage everyone to check it out.
***Double "oh yeah." Lance Williams and Mark Fainaru-Asscake are going to jail. I hope they get assraped by some some 'roided up white supremacist, just like in American History X.
My opinion on the whole thing, in case you cared, is that the first amendment needs to be protected at all costs. Lance & Mark had every right to print what they did. I will never deny that and I would fight to the death to defend it. However, leaking that information is a crime. Lance & Mark know who committed that crime. It's no different than if they wrote about someone anonymous that committed a murder and then refused to say who it was. They can print whatever the hell they want, but they have to help the government find guilty parties when a crime has taken place. This could be a groundbreaking case and may affect other leaked sources of information and maybe top secret information will stop getting leaked (ahem, wire-tapping and bank accounts). The ultimate goal should be finding the people that are leaking this information, NOT putting journalists in jail. When those journalists refuse to share vital information to finding these criminals, however, they are obstructing justice and should be jailed. Just my $0.02.
19 September 2006
If you're Ray Durham, you're playing for next year's contract.
The same goes for Barry Bonds, Jason Schmidt, Shea Hillenbrad, Pedro Feliz, Steve Finley, Moises Alou, Todd Greene & Steve Kline.
Phew.
If you're Jason Ellison, you're playing for a shot at a starting role next year.
The same goes for Todd Linden, Jonathan Sanchez, Brad Hennessey, Kevin Correia, Brian Wilson, Jack Taschner, Lance Niekro, Freddy Lewis, Kevin Frandse, Eliezer Alfonzo & Justin Knoedler.
So with so many players having something meaningful to play for, you'd think they could put together a better showing than they have for the last four games.
How about the fact that the third place team gets more money than the fourth place team and less than the 2nd place team? No? That bonus is meager on top of a multimillion dollar salary, huh?
How about respect?
Nah, who needs that when you can go to sleep on 10 billion threadcount Egyptian cotton sheets with ten women, all of whom are so good looking that mere mortals would give a vital organ just for one night with one of them.
How about for the love of the game?
Nah. They'll still be playing tomorrow, and for some, maybe even next year. Even if they're done playing, they have guaranteed employment for life, be it in broadcasting, coaching or team *fill in the blank.* Besides, most of them are so far removed from when this game was played solely for fun that they no longer feel that same joy they used to get from just holding a ball in their hands.
How about for the fans?
Nah. They'll continue to pack in to that jewel by the bay, ensuring that they all earn seven figure incomes for years. Even if fans stop coming to the park, they'll always be TV, radio, XM, deodorant ads, cereal ads, talk shows and Halle Berry. Most of them know they'll eventually play for either the Yankees or Red Sox at some point anyhow, so they'll have fanatical fans cheering for them momentarily. Just ask Aaron Small.
So, that's it, they really have no reason to try hard. In a few weeks there will be nothing to stand in between them and rounds of golf, packs of groupies and the ever fun game of "watch my money earn more in interest in one week than most people earn in income in an entire year."
18 September 2006
That's it. The Giants are dead.
This was supposed to be the make or break road trip, and the Giants are already broken. Their only decent pitcher right now is Matt Cain, who is looking like a Cy Young contender as of late. Now that the Giants offense is producing at a semi-steady rate, however, the rest of the pitchers have decided it's a good time to start doing Shawn Estes impersonations.
It's not a good time.
Hennessey, who we were touting before, is proving that he may never be a full time starter. Matt Morris is looking like a multimillion dollar bust (in the Edgardo Alfonzo, Armando Benitez & Neifi Perez mold). Jason Schmidt's just running out the clock before he signs with Seattle and Noah Lowry is now getting paid enough where he can fit into the Morris mold as well.
At least there is one thing to look forward to.
The last three games of the year are against the Los Angeles Dodgers. The same Dodgers that are having trouble keeping their heads above water in the NL West. The same Dodgers that can hear the footsteps of Ryan Howard (and the rest of the Phillies) closing behind them in the Wild Card.
The same Dodgers that crushed us in 1993, 2001 & 2004.
Those Dodgers.
So, relax, watch the 20 run slaughterings build up, and just count the days until it's Giants/Dodgers at AT&T park.
Oh, and did we mention, those may be the last games Barry plays in a Giants uniform?
11 September 2006
Thus, we just don't have to witness an almost equally tragic baseball game.
However, BBAO has been lagging in updates, so here's one to placate the seven people that actually read this (on a good day).
The Giants, one again, are teasing us. Are they good? Are they bad? Is Barry Bonds really back? Is Matt Cain really putting it all together? Is Noah Lowry's career over? Is Brad Hennessey a flop as a starter? Is Ray Durham on steroids? Is Mike Stanton, also?
The questions are endless, but the only one that really matters is this: can the Giants make the playoffs?
Well, sure, they CAN make the playoffs, but will they? They always seem to fall just a little short. Not being able to win a crucial series against LA in SF. Not being able to finish off three crucial sweeps against SD in SF. Not being able to AVOID 9 game losing streaks against teams like Washington and Pittsburgh.
A real playoff contender does not do those things. A real playoff contender would have gotten a performance like Woody Williams had AGAINST the Giants last night. A real playoff contender has a guy hitting the way Ryan Howard has been. A real playoff contender doesn't make Bronson Arroyo look like Roger Clemens.
So do they have what it takes? Sure the Wild Card is close, but it's just as close for four other teams. Sure the NL West is within reach, but someone has to slow down the Dodgers first.
However, one thing is certain: Armando Benitez is fat.
OK, two things are certain: the Giants are at least, theoretically, IN the race for October, and with the last 3 games of the year being in SF against the Dodgers, it will once again be an exciting September. Especially with Mike Stanton closing games.
4 September 2006
Nah.
Now Armando is trying to blame his knees for the fact that he can't pitch. Was it his knees that were bothering him back in New York? Was it his knees that left a pitch out over the plate to Termmel Sledge? Was it his knees that gave up a triple to Nick Swisher?
Hey, jackass, here's an idea, lose 75 lbs and maybe your knees will feel better. Try skipping that meal in between breakfast and brunch. Maybe give up the Dave Flemming workout routine.
Actually, no, keep at it. See if you can out eat Todd Linden, Lance Neikro and Matt Cain combined. See if Dr. Yocum is available to clean up your knees. See if you can heal yourself with Krispy Kreme. Anything to keep yourself off of the mound and on the sofa.
Not that we're happy with Mike Stanton, but at least he's not Armando.
Really, what it comes down to, we're suffering the curse of Robb Nen. Ever since Troy Glaus hit that pitch over the head of Barry Bonds in October of 2002, the Giants have been cursed. Robb Nen gave his shoulder to this club and they couldn't give him a World Series ring. Now we're cursed with the Tim Worrell, Matt Herges, Dustin Hermanson, Tyler Walker, Armando Benitez, Mike Stanton mess. Maybe if we sacrifice Armando's knees to Nen, all will be right...
2 September 2006
So why does Felipe even give Armando more than one hitter? It was obvious after he pitched to Lee that this was not one of those rare occasions where the "good" Armando was showing up. Why did Felipe let Armando pitch to three more hitters?
An even bigger question is, with the trade deadline officially passed and the rosters expanded, why is Mike Stanton our last line of defense?
Sure, he was great today, but he is nothing more than Jeff Fassero reincarnate. We're going to rely on either Benitez or Stanton if we're to put together any sort of stretch run?
Umm...
Why not call up Tim Lincecum? He could be our K-Rod. Sure, that would start his arbitration clock and possibly screw up his arm from being pushed too quick, but when has that ever stopped Giants management before?
Or why not see if Lance possesses that killer knuckleball that runs in his family? Or maybe see if Barry could intimidate on the mound like he does in the box. Or see if Pedro's 3rd to 1st gun translates into a blazing fastball on the hill. Or see if Mike Krukow will come out of retirement.
Anything but Benitez/Stanton, please.
29 August 2006
Those 104-win in '93, Smoltz-Maddux-Glavine, Sheffield-Jones-Jones, Parkinson's having Leo Mazzone Braves.
So many bad memories....
Oh, let's add another one. Jason Schmidt, who was drafted by the braves, is also owned by them. He's never pitched well against them. Even though Mazzone is gone, they still have his number. Sure, he wasn't good enough to pitch for them, so the unloaded him on Pittsburgh. I mean, he's no Mike Hampton.
Also, now that Greg Anderson is back in jail, Bonds is finally deciding that he may have to carry the team. With the new-look Shea Hillenbrand as his sidekick, he's going to storm into September--- well, hobble into September--- with an eye on one final posteason--- well, maybe one final NATIONAL LEAGUE--- postseason run.
While tonight's loss was terrible and horrifying, it wasn't that disheartening. Sure, the Giants looked god-awful, as they are so capable of doing whenever they threaten that .500 mark. However, it's not often that Schmidt will get rocked like that. It's also rare that they will make three errors that costly in a single game, either. While, on the positive side, Bonds and Hillenbrand are showing signs of life and are looking like they might just be up for a fun September.
Hopefully by the end of the year we can safely say that Hillenbrand was an upgrade over the Sweekro platoon.
And hopefully, if the Giants simply must toss in a game like this every once in a while, they can at least continue putting together winning streaks around them. Just let everything go wrong in ONE game, then play flawlessly for the next four. That just may work...
26 August 2006
These Giants know how to field the baseball. These are the Giants of the ageless Omar Vizquel. These are the Giants of Ray Durham with Cody Ransom's glove. These are the Giants of Pedro Feliz every day at 3rd.
OK, Shea Hillenbrand is no JT Snow and Eliezer Alfonzo is no Mike Matheny, but still, this is an exemplary defensive team. Sure the outfield is old and rangeless, but the balls they DO get to, they make plays on. They could be as rangeless as Adam Dunn AND have his hands of brick. Sure, they also happen to HIT like a bunch of defensive specialists, but what they lack in wood, they make up for in leather. Sometimes...
So what if they made two errors today? Those were inconsequential. What mattered were the great plays turned in by Pedro Feliz, Noah Lowry and, of course, Omar Vizquel. What also mattered was the hilariously un-great play turned in by Adam Dunn & Co.
Oh, and someone also gave Shea Hillenbrand a new shipment of John Gibbons bobbleheads to keep that fire lit under his ass.
Also, we're liking the pale, left-handed Armando Benitez a lot more than the other Armando.
25 August 2006
Aside from a Ken Griffey moon-shot, Morris was untouchable and the senator from Wisconsin would have been proud. Of course, the communist threat isn't what it was back in McCarthy's day, but with over a billion Chinese learning to play baseball, Morris could be a valuable weapon.
However, in this day and age, someone that can disarm a shoe-bomb with a fastball would be far more valuable. Surely, President Bush is looking for someone like that on the Nationals. Don't let Morris' bear fool you, though, he's strictly anti-terrorism and pro-wookie.
Oh, and of course, anti-communist bastards, as he clearly showed tonight, not only blanking the reds for the eight innings after he gave up the Griffeyshot, but hitting a two run double as well. He was even seen breaking a smile a few times tonight.
On a more depressing note, it is yet another testament to the anemic offense when the pitcher has as many RBI as the rest of the team combined in one game. Sure, Barry Bonds may be in danger of losing his lineup spot to Brad Hennessey and Noah Lowry is teasing Shea Hillenbrand. Maybe that's what lit a fire under these two guys tonight.
Or maybe it's the fact that the team's best hitter, nay, their MVP for the second half so far is the rookie catcher hitting out of the 8 hole. A guy who looks so goofy when he runs that you expect to see Larry, Curly and Moe jump out and hit him with pies. A guy who spent like 34 seasons in the minors and was considered the "Julio Franco of Double-A."
So will Morris' attempts to give Randy Winn hitting tips light a fire under him too? Will Mike Stanton's belittling of Pedro Feliz get him to change his approach at the plate?
Nah...
22 August 2006
Matt Cain was in line to get a win, Stanton said, "fuck that, I want it, kid." Thus he blew the save and took the win.
Just like taking candy from a baby.
What, Jonathan Sanchez wasn't good enough to do that? Why does Felipe have such a hard-on for over the hill guys? Is it because he's over the hill himself? It doesn't matter if a young kid has an outstanding arm and outstanding numbers. Joe Nathan wasn't good enough. Jonathan Sanchez wasn't good enough. Jeremy Accardo wasn't good enough.
But Jeff Fassero, Tim Worrell and Mike Stanton are.
Most franchises drool over the kind of arms that Nathan, Sanchez and Accardo possess. The Giants treat them like garbage because they're scared they might do the very thing that Stanton did tonight, or Benitez is making a career of doing: blowing it.
So Stanton blew it, stole a win from a young kid, putting Cain's quest for 300 wins another start back (ok, it's a little early to make that prediction, but hey, he's young). Benitez made it a nail biter, as only he can. Of course it bodes well for a club when you're not even comfortable when your closer has a FOUR RUN lead.
So with Benitez grinning as he walks off the mound, Stanton salivating over adding another "W" to his baseball card and Shea Hillenbrand calling Ted Lilly for tips on how to fight John Gibbons, the Giants are still looking like a drunk.
At least it's amusing...
21 August 2006
Oh wait, that's just Noah Lowry pitching a gem of a ballgame.
Once again, Lowry gives Giant fans reason to have any hope for the future. While the overage hitters limp onto the field, Noah keeps throwing up zeros. Sure, he missed a few starts at the beginning of the season with an injury, but at least he hasn't gone the way of Jerome Williams and ballooned up to a Livanesque size. Noah remains fit and under Giants' control for years to come.
Oh yeah, and so are Brad Hennessey, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez and Kevin Correia. There's your 2009 starting rotation right there. OK OK, we remember thinking that the 2006 rotation would be Kurt Ainsworth, Jerome Williams, Jesse Foppert, Merkin Valdez and Ryan Jensen. So what if all those can't miss prospects are now virtually out of baseball?
Alright, knowing Sabean, those kids will be trade bait for some overrated veteran hitter.
Anyways, Lowry was brilliant tonight. The Diamondbacks didn't help matters much, making three errors and proving to the Giants that they really feel they deserve to be in last. None of those errors really mattered in the eventual outcome as just Bonds' homer would have been enough to give Lowry the win.
Now if only Brandon Webb could develop a yeast infection before tomorrow's start and be unable to play.
20 August 2006
In the second half, they have gone from terrible to unbeatable to terrible to unbeatable and now back to terrible again. That's more about faces than Benitez does when he throws that hanging splitter. They can look like the most wise group of veteran players ever, a conglomerate of Jedi led by an aged Yoda. Then they can look like a bunch of little leaguers who are only playing so their drunk parents have something to live for.
The only consistency they've had is the fact that they have been getting older and older. Youngsters are going the way of Sharion Martis and old men like Mike Stanton are taking the reins. Not to mention that ever day the team collectively gets 25 days older. If only the team batting average would also head in that direction.
So what happens next? Unfortunately the down moments are more prolonged than the upward swings. With the end of the season approaching, the only real thing Giant fans have to look forward to is the eventual retirement of Felipe Alou.
16 August 2006
You play with fire too many times, eventually you get burned.
Benitez is fire, Felipe is a retarded kid with matches and a can of hair spray. All us fans are spectators that keep hoping the kid doesn't burn his own eyebrows off, but just know that they're going to see what it will look like.
Now the Giants have to play extra innings, then play a day game tomorrow, then fly back to San Francisco, then play three games against Los Angeles. All this with no eyebrows.
You'd think a veteran team would know better...
15 August 2006
Nah...
Not only that, in order to score enough runs to back up those pitchers, the Giants are going to have to steal 3 or 4 bases a game and play absolutely flawless defense. That's not too reasonable to ask either, is it?
Nah...
Lastly, the bullpen is going to have to be lights out. Armando will convert five saves a week. Vinnie Chulk will become an All-Star caliber setup man. Each reliever will log 50+ innings over the rest of the year and not complain. That's not too unreasonable to ask either, is it?
Nah...
Oh yeah, the Dodgers will also have to go ice cold, as well as the Diamondbacks, Rockies, Padres, Brewers and Reds.
It could happen right?
Nah...
14 August 2006
A Win.
You know, that thing that happens when a pitcher throws beautifully, fielders make great plays behind him, the bullpen nails it down and the offense provides just enough run support.
Yeah, I'll take one of those, with extra cheese and hold the Vizcaino-sauce.
So Brian Wilson and Jose Vizcaino are gone. Jack Taschner and Kevin Federline... er... Kevin Frandsen are in. Mike Stanton continues to amaze us in just how much he looks like an old, overweight Matt Cain. Armando Benitez continues to amaze us in how much he doesn't look like a closer. Felipe Alou continues to amaze us in how much he doesn't know about managing.
Yeah, we know, he reads this site. How else would he have gotten the wonderful idea about inserting Brad Hennessey into the rotation? He must have read the August 8th entry on this site.
Next thing you know, Brian Sabean will go back in time and un-do the Liriano/Nathan trade.
Eh, maybe not.
So, in the end, I'm taking full credit for this win. I'll send Brad Hennessey and Felipe Alou a bill later.
13 August 2006
It wasn't fun for anyone.
Maddux managed to retire 22 straight Giants en route to 8 shutout innings while only throwing 68 pitches. That is two innings worth of pitches for most Giant starters. It was really like a professional toying with young boys. Like a puma playing with a captured rodent.
The Giant hitters did him plenty of favors, like they do many pitchers. They swung at first pitches, chased balls outside the zone and generally looked like they had no idea what exactly they were supposed to do with that piece of wood in their hands.
However, even more painful that watching Maddux abuse the Giants hitters was listening to Joe Morgan. Congress needs to stop wasting their time with gay marriage amendments and start working on a constitutional ban on Joe Morgan ever wielding a microphone again.
He started off his night by referring to Barry Bonds and Greg Maddux as two of the greatest pitchers ever to play the game. He then went on to provide such great quotes as, "All diamonds are slanted, mostly," say "you know" at least 87 times an inning and stutter more times than Porky Pig.
His knowledge of the game continues to amaze people as well. He mentions that "pitchers don't see his average" when referring to Barry Bonds still being a feared hitter, even though Barry got walked intentionally for the first time in August tonight and is getting walked less and less. He said Maddux could only pitch 8 innings because his role is not to be the horse in the Dodger rotation, even though he had only thrown 68 pitches. He said Rafael Furcal, who leads the ML in errors at SS, is a good defensive shortstop. He said the Giants can't sit and wait for things to happen while saying that Linden should steal in the 10th, even though the Giants have continually been running themselves out of rallies by making outs on the basepaths in the last week.
So why this man is still allowed to wield a microphone? Obviously to distract from the pain of watching the Giants play baseball.
11 August 2006
Nah, it hasn't gotten old. We could do this for another two months!!!
Just disgusting.
To further exemplify the incompetence of this team's management, we would like to again point out the transaction that was completed earlier this month. Sharion Martis, the first pitcher to ever throw a no-hitter in WBC history was traded for Mike Stanton, tonight's losing pitcher. To make room for him, Jonathan Sanchez was sent down because he had an ERA of 1.33. He is now getting shelled in AAA while Stanton is losing games for the big league club. Why is Sanchez getting shelled in AAA? Maybe his confidence is shaken, maybe he realized that Fresno is a shitty place to exist.
Further proof exists in the makeup of the lineups. Two semi-patient hitters are at the top of the order, however, the leadoff man has an on-base percentage of .329 with 9 HR. The #2 hitter has an OBP of .391 with 3 HR. Goes against every ounce of conventional logic about making lineups. Then, the #3, 5, 7 and 8 hitters hit into an extraordinarily high amount of double plays, ensuring that if the #1,2, 4 or 6 hitters reach base, they will be automatically wiped out as soon as possible. Of course, if we were to point out the other common denominator among those hitters, we would be labeled as racist. So we won't.
9 August 2006
The team is 22nd in the league in OPS and they actually manage to scrape out 15 hits and STILL only score three of them?!?!
How can a team that is 7th in the league in opponents batting average have this shitty of a record? They have a better staff ERA than Arizona, Boston, Chicago Sox and Cincinnati, all contenders.
Why has Sabean done this to us? Why has this been allowed to continue. We saw how bad this team was with the bat last season. Why were no offensive upgrades made?
Yes, Sabean was too busy locking up Mark Sweeney.
8 August 2006
I present you with two pitchers. One of whom has a 5.04 ERA, a 6-9 record, has given up 138 hits in 128.2 innings and 54 walks to 65 strikeouts. The second pitcher has a 2.86 ERA, a 4-2 record, 54 hits in 69.1 innings and 27 walks to 31 strikeouts. Oh yeah, and the first pitcher has 7.11 years of service time while the second one has only 0.059 years.
Who would you put in your starting rotation.
Now, if you're the Brelipe Aloubean monstrosity that has taken the helm of the Giants, the only number that matters there is the service time. The first pitcher on the list is none other than Jamey Alan Wright while the second is Brad Martin Hennessey.
To most sane people, Brad Hennessey is the obvious choice for the fifth starter spot. Time in and time out he has thrown zeros up on the board while letting his arm wither in the bullpen otherwise, not building up the innings-eating strength that it should have. Jamey Wright, however, has come in, and admittedly pitched decently at times, but overall has not been effective, not gone long into games and not put his team in a position to win.
While other young arms have somehow "earned" their rotation spots, Hennessey can't seem to do enough. Maybe he needs to retire 27 consecutive batters in a 37 inning game or go 4-5 with two homers to get the attention of management. Maybe Jamey Wright needs to give up a seven-spot in the first inning of his next six starts. Maybe Felipe Alou needs a good whack to the noggin like Luis Gonzalez have himself today.
Whatever it is, putting up solid numbers sure isn't enough.
7 August 2006
Well, after the Rockies fixed most of what ailed Coors Field by sticking all the balls in a humidor, that leaves one team that hates its home park.
The Giants.
They just can't hit at home. They would much rather play every game at Minute Maid Park or Chase Field. It's not like the pitchers are benefiting from the friendly expanses of AT&T either. They are simply getting less run support.
As much as we want to, we can't blame the recent name re-change for the lack of offense. We'd just been blinded by Barry Bonds' brilliance in SBC and PacBell park. Now that we're seeing a more human lineup, it's obvious that AT&T is not friendly to anyone with a bat in hand.
Of course, it is friendly to anyone with a ticket, as long as that person does not care of the outcome to the game. The park is gorgeous, the food is wonderful (even if you have to take out a 2nd mortgage to pay for it) and the atmosphere is friendly. Just don't expect to see much exciting hitting. Don't expect to see that "40" on the splash hit sign change any time soon.
Now when the Giants are on the road, that's when the hitters start having fun. That's when Shea Hillenbrand looks like an actual UPGRADE over Lance Niekro. That's when Pedro Feliz looks like he could hit 4th and Ray Durham is a legitimate RBI man.
Unfortunately for the Giant hitters, they have to play 81 games in AT&T park a year, so they better learn how to score some more runs there.
5 August 2006
The Giants, simply put, hate their fans.
The same fans that are so blindly devoted, they will cause such a hissy fit as to postpone a game 15 minutes when their star player is ejected. The least the Giants could do is return some of the intensity.
Nah, they'd rather make Jason Jennings look like a Cy Young contender.
This has gone from painful, to hilariously bad, back to painful again.
4 August 2006
Ron Culpa and his crew are actually members of Al-Queda.
Barry Bonds knew this. That's why he got tossed out. He wasn't arguing over a called strike, he was having a discussion about Allah. Bonds was just being a good, red-blooded American, as were the Giant fans.
Back in reality, however, Bonds did deserve to get tossed. Giant fans deserve to be ashamed of themselves and Felipe Alou deserves an ounce of cocaine at the seventh inning stretch to make sure he's awake. It should have never gotten to that point because Felipe should have been up and out there to protect his star player. This is, apparently, one of the manager's duties.
However, Bonds lost his temper, Felipe was asleep at the switch and Barry got tossed. Now if only Sabean would toss Felipe for being senile and Magowan would toss Sabean for trading away Liriano (no, I'm not letting that go anytime soon). Then somebody (or, more likely, a crew) needs to toss out Armando's fat ass, trade all our tradable commodities (a little harder now that it's past the deadline) and start rebuilding around youth and pitching.
But we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
Yorvit Torrealba came in, and like so many former Giants (Livan Hernandez, Jeff Kent, Ramon Martinez, Rich Aurilia), screwed over his old team. Jeff Francis pitched far greater than his 16 years on this earth. Matt Morris got stung by a shitty balk call and an even shitter hanging breaking ball. In the end, however, it was a lost temper and a sleeping manager that killed a late inning rally.
However, there is something to be said for fans that follow their star player with blind, obsessive loyalty...
1 August 2006
They're getting quality starts, timely hitting, clutch bullpen performances. Everything is just going right for them.
Even when a pitcher has a poor outing, their offense picks them up. When the offense is struggling, the pitching throws up zeros. This is just a pleasure to watch.
It seems like it's a different guy every night, too. Barry Bonds, Pedro Feliz, Ray Durham, Jason Schmidt. Anybody can be the hero. Even Lou Seal is coming up huge.
With a team playing like this, it seems like they will never lose again. That World Series trophy will look so good in the SF trophy case. That banner will look so good in center field. No matter what happens, the fans just know this team will find a way to win.
Now, I have to cut this short because I have a hot date with Jessica Alba.
31 July 2006
So they decided to lose. Not only lose, but lose badly. Not only lose badly, but lose to last place teams.
There is just nothing else left to say. That five game winning streak was obviously a fluke. This team doesn't deserve to be anywhere near first place. Brian Sabean deserves to be battered and deep fried alive. Felipe Alou deserves to be stuck in the same room as Armando Benitez after Benitez has finished an entire plate of extra spicy tomales.
There was no reason to get Mike Stanton. There was no reason to not trade Jason Schmidt, as much as we'd miss him. There was no reason to sign Jose Vizcaino or Tim Worrell. All these things are apparent to all of us now. The reason Brian Sabean gets paid more in a day than most of us make in a year is that he is supposed to know these things before we do. If we all built teams with hindsight, Vlad Guerrero would be starting in RF. Francisco Liriano would head up the rotation. Joe Nathan would be closing.
Maybe once the Giants get in last place they'll be happy. I guess the happiness of multimillionaires playing a kids game is all that matters.
The website is undergoing renovations. Anything as a distraction...
30 July 2006
There is really nothing much more that can be said. Instead, a question will be posed?
Why would the Giants trade away a prospect for an overage reliever with a 4.5 ERA when they have a young reliever in the bullpen that has a 1.3 ERA? Why would they then send the reliever with the 1.3 ERA to triple-A and continue letting a fat piece of trash try to close games when he has obviously lost that ability? Most teams having this difficulty would give the kid with the 1.3 ERA a chance to close, keep the prospect and destroy the overweight, ineffective closer.
The Giants, however, are not most teams. They have trouble beating the Pirates.
27 July 2006
The Giants have not won since.
Now it is Vinnie Chulk's job to filter through the toilet every day and look for the passed momentum. It's not a pretty job.
So far, no luck.
All he's found is Matt Morris's Mach-3, Barry Bonds' knee cartilage, Felipe Alou's brain and Mike Matheney. Of course Chulk threw all those out.
So what are the Giants to do? Could they possibly let Armando continue to "close" and risk killing any and all momentum just by letting him near the ballpark? Do they promote one of the younger arms, understanding that they will be losing a potential starter. Also, while Benitez has been bad, at least he's been consistent. A young arm would be erratic and may give us false hope at times.
Do they promote (or demote) a current starter and let Hennessey, Correia or Sanchez step into the starter spot? Jason Schmidt is too valuable as a starter to close. Matt Cain and Noah Lowry's careers as starters are too bright. Jamey Wright walks too many guys. Morris may be able to get it done; he does already have the crazy closer facial hair requirement covered.
Whatever happens, at least SOMETHING needs to happen. It could be a trade to get Matt Hergis back for all we care. Just anything from having to see Armando's fat ass warming up in the 8th.
25 July 2005
He promptly fashioned it into a noose, climbed atop a chair and kicked it out from under himself. As he shook, convulsed and defecated on himself, the Nationals took a seven to two lead. Kevin Correia came in and stopped the bleeding, pitching beautifully until Jonathan Sanchez replaced him in the 8th.
So why are overpaid bums like Morris and Benitez given the ball time after time while quality young arms like Sanchez, Correia and Hennessey linger in the bullpen?
Why did Joe Nathan get traded? Why did Dusty Baker take the ball from Russ Ortiz? Why can the Giants never trust the young players?
They would much rather give a long rope to some veteran. At least they know how to lose with style.
23 July 2006
A sweep would be too much to ask for. Those last three outs were too much for the Giants to get.
Wait....
Those last three outs were too much for ARMANDO to get. The Giants did everything they needed to win that game. They played great defense. They got a decent start from Wright. They had some clutch hits. The bullpen was solid.
Armando just couldn't do his job, again.
Five times now the Giants have come into a situation where they should have won. Five times Armando has taken that win away. He was even injured for part of the season. Most closers are disappointed if they play a FULL season and blow five saves.
And they never throw their gloves like little children when they blow them either.
So Wright was good. Typical Wright, decent but not great. Two bad innings, but kept the Giants in the game. Brad Hennessey was lights out, again, reinforcing the notion that he should be in the rotation. Vinnie Chulk, whose nose got to the ballpark a half hour before the rest of him, made his Giants debut and retired all the batters he faced.
However, even after Armando blew it, the Giants were unable to put the game away in the four additional at-bats afterwards. Maybe, in part, because of Felipe's brilliant decision to pull Barry Bonds in the 8th inning. The five game winning streak and the first eight innings of this game were all the Giants were good for. That last save and those last few at-bats were just too much to ask for.
20 July 2006
A Ho.
Today, the Giants slapped him around like the bitch that he is. They Giants managed to knock out five runs against the Kim-Jong Il wannabe, led by the Sweekro replacement, Chad Santos. In the 8th inning, after Mike Piazza, playing with a bruised ovary, dropped a foul ball pop-up off the bat of Barry Bonds, the Giants went back-to-back-to-back, scraping out more runs in three swings of the bat than they did in all of June.
Piazza's gynecologist was unavailable for comment.
Elsewhere in the baseball world, Charley Steiner continues to prove to the world that he is a complete buffoon on his own radio show. Luckily, Dodger fans are the only ones that have to endure his antics DURING baseball games, but those of us with XM radio can also tune into him every weekday. Today Charley was talking about the Bonds indictment that never was and said that all the players want to see Bonds go down and leave the game.
All the players, Charley?
Even his teammates, who have stood behind him through everything? Even his ex-teammates like Rich Aurilia and Bill Mueller, who have repeatedly said he's a good guy? Even unrelated players like Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey Jr and Paul Lo Duca, who have supported a guy they never even played with?
Maybe by all the players, Charley means Turk Wendell.
Maybe Charley is just a homer buffoon who is right at home announcing for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Oh yeah, Giants move within a game and a half of first place.
18 July 2006
That, and they guzzle gas.
So after the four days off, they were a tad rusty. Bonds may have regained his youth, stealing two bags and hitting a homer, but the rest of the team looked old and feeble.
Today, however, they finally played with some 8 cylinder vigor. They were going so strong, even the human mack truck known as Prince Fielder couldn't stop them. Even with the muffler dragging on the ground, bases being left loaded and a backseat full of empty beer cans, the Giants rolled on.
Even Armando got a 1-2-3 9th inning.
Now, however, since those old cars run through gas like Sidney Ponson runs through Spiced Rum, the Giants will have to make a pit stop, refuel, lose three more games and grab a bag of pork rinds before they can get going again.
It's OK, not like the first place team is coming into town anytime soon.
16 July 2006
When Mark Sweeney and Chad Santos are your go to guys, the experiment is over. Turn in your chips and make a goddamn trade for someone with some pop! This year has made the JT Snow era look like the McCovey era.
So with Lance Niekro finally back in triple-A to work on his knuckleball, the Giants are left with a career pinch hitter and a rookie who got his first MLB at bat today, at the crucial corner spot. Not exactly what you would expect from a contending team.
So, as a review, let's go back to last offseason. Nomar Garciaparra was available and apparently can play first base. Not only that, he can apparently hit, too. Carlos Delgado, Jim Thome and Lyle Overbay were all unloaded. Aubry Huff was available up until earlier this week when he was finally unloaded to Houston. Even Daryl Ward is looking like a good investment now!
But, no, Sabean decided to go with the Sweekro platoon.
No, Sabean wasn't offered a clubhouse cancer in exchange for two of the best arms in his system. So still no move has been made. Will Sabean pull something off? Of course. He always does. Whether it's Ricky Ledee, Sidney Ponson or Matt Herges, he never disappoints.
Oh, and the bullpen blows chunks, too.
15 July 2006
So now that it looks like the bats are coming alive, the pitching has gone to hell.
That is, in part, to be expected with the large amount of young pitchers in the bullpen and rotation. We all know Sabean is working his hardest to trade away the next Francisco Liriano to bring over some one like Sean Casey, because that will REALLY be the injection of power that his club needs to win.
Note the sarcasm.
Today Lowry, Hennessey and Wilson all had their "bad" day. Lowry didn't make it out of the 4th inning. Hennessey gave up a Bondsian homer to Ryan Howard, who hasn't been told that the Home Run Derby is over.
So the only thing more painful than watching the Giant pitchers blow it was listening to Thom and Lou. Thom referred to JT Snow as a brilliant third baseman, said the NL West is closer than any division in baseball while the AL West is much closer.
Lou, however, get the prize for the dumbest comment when Thom mentioned the "moneyball" strategy and Lou immediately quipped, "How many World Series has moneyball won?!?" Well, Lou, how many World Series have YOU won? The Red Sox employed the sabermetric philosophy made famous by Moneyball and they won it all in 2004. So right now the score is Moneyball: 1, Lou: 0.
9 July 2006
Now, for the first half BBAO awards:
The Willie Mays Award (to the best position player): Omar Vizquel. Forget his team leading batting average and on-base percentage. Forget his team leading stolen base totals. You can even forget about his heroic defensive play. Omar gets this award for one reason: he owns a kangaroo. Runner up: Pedro Feliz.
The Neifi Perez Award (to the worst position player): Lance Niekro. There was an abundance of first basemen on the trading block this offseason. The White Sox were willing to take a chance on Jim Thome, and look what they got. Carlos Delgado, Lyle Overbay and Aubry Huff were also discussed. So what did Sabean do? Handed the job over to a 27 year old rookie with a ton of injury problems. What has he got? A .249 average, four homers and a .668 OPS in fifty-two games. With the rest of the offense being anemic for most of the season as well, a little production out of first base is a must. Runner up: Jose Vizcaino.
The Juan Marical Award (to the best pitcher): Jason Schmidt. He's finally back. When he's not leading the lea |
Finally, on what is
to be the last post of 2006, we have something to smile about.
So you have 12 free
agents entering the offseason with another regular player set to retire.
Do you take this opportunity to start rebuilding a failing farm system?
Do you let some of the young talent get a shot and trade away overpriced
veterans? Do you pour that cash into the few younger free agents on
the market?
So Brian Sabean
woke up Friday and realized something:
It's a long
standing Giants' tradition to look at all the candidates for an open
position and then fill it with the least qualified.
I've said it before
and I will say it again: Fox is TRYING to ruin baseball. Fox, for all
it's Bush-loving, Chevrolet-driving, right-wing-fanatic-whoring soul, is
actually anti-American, and to a further extent, anti-baseball.
It's come to this.
Tigers, A's, Cardinals & Mets.
So we're finally
getting used to the fact that both the Padres and Dodgers are playing in
October.
Utterly sickening.
The Giants got
mathematically eliminated yesterday.
This, the fifth
anniversary of one of this nation's most tragic events is devoid of a Giants
game.
One would think
constantly talking of Armando Benitez would get old. Eventually, we'd
get tired of belittling the guy. Maybe we'd just get over it and give
the guy a break.
The sun rises.
There is fighting in Iraq. An Asian person causes a car accident.
A Giant fan dies from an Armando-induced aneurysm. Such are the daily
events in this world of ours.
Those goddamn,
politically incorrect, thorn-in-our-side Braves.
Gone are the days
of Neifi Perez, Rich Aurilia and AJ Pierzynski. Gone are the days of
Jeff Kent and the poor defensive Ray Durham. 
Morris was
McCarthyesque tonight, shutting down those stinky red bastards.
Mike Stanton is a
greedy old man.
So the drunk girl
is back up off the floor after vomiting all over herself. Now she's
back to shamelessly flirting with everyone around her. Only problem
is, now she's got a nasty birthmark under her eye and a sol-patch.
The Giants are
doing their best impersonation of a drunk person, spinning around and around
so many times that they eventually vomit on themselves and everyone around
them.
See, we knew it was
too much to ask. Just look at yesterday's post. We knew it was
too unreasonable to ask that Armando actually convert more than two saves a
week, or even two saves a month.
Well, if the Giants
aren't going to score many runs, the staff ERA will just have to be below
2.00 the rest of the year. That's not an unreasonable request, is it?
It sure wasn't
pretty. It was so ugly, in fact, that we almost didn't recognize what
it was:
Greg Maddux
absolutely abused Giant hitters today. Joe Morgan absolutely abused
ESPN viewers.
You'd think it
would get old by now. 10 hits, only 2 runs, another great pitching
performance wasted. 2 outs on the basepaths in the critical 7th
inning. Shitty pitching by the bullpen.
How the fuck are
you going to get fifteen hits and only score three runs?!?!!
Let's just play a
little game, it's called "If I were a GM/Manager."
There are a few
teams in baseball that just hate their home parks.
The Giants take
pleasure in depriving their fans of excitement. How else could one
explain all the late inning "rallies" that come up short, the lost extra
inning games at home and the wasted pitching performances. They love
to starve their fans of excitement. All those extra inning games, the
prospect of a walkoff hit, just to tempt us with a delicious plate of food
only to take it away at the last second.
Giant fans knew
something that the rest of the nation did not:
The Giants are
finally clicking on all cylinders.
The only way to
explain it is that the Giants like losing. They were in first place
ever-so-briefly and just hated it up there. San Diego could see up
their dress.
Ditto for the last
post. Armando needs to be shot.
Matt Morris was
given a long rope after his bad first inning, being hit by a line drive and
obviously losing his control and stuff.
They just couldn't
pull it off.
Chan Ho is just
that.
The Giants are just
kinda like an old Ford. They take a while to get started.
The first base
platoon has failed.
If the Giants are
going to compete over the second half of the season, they need a better
offense. Their pitching staff has led the National League since May
1st and even if they could all just hit like Omar Vizquel, they would run
away with the division.
As we head into
what will surely be an American League slaughter of the National League
All-Star game, the Giants sit just one game above .500, three games back of
the Padres in the NL West. It is obvious, here at the halfway point,
that the Giants' offense is listless, Bonds no longer being able to carry
the team. They may have some of the best pitching in the National
League, but they are managed by a madman. If they could only get a
consistent power bat over at first base and a little consistency in their
bullpen (both the way they're managed and how they perform) they might just
be able to win this pathetic little division.